Guess where I spent the last day....

Yeah....lovely new jewelry, dontcha think? I am supposed to wear them for 24 hours in case I have to be re-admitted.....

I just spent a day & half in the wonderful Northport DCH hospital. Again thinking that I had a kidney stone (same thought as last year) - terrible pain, cannot sit still, tears flowing, bowled over pain on my right side.

They hook me up with fluids on an IV, give me some pain meds because of course it sounds like textbook kidney stone, right? Wrong... again.

After an uncomfortable-must-not-move-a-single-centimeter CT Scan & ultrasound; guess what? A cyst on the only ovary I have left. Thankfully this cyst is not the size of a football like last years ovary killing cyst monster. This cyst though large enough for me to pinpoint exact location due to pain is small enough that they want it to absolve itself or to pop.
Yes - pop. Yuck. I understand that if it pops I will feel a sharp pain then the pain should slowly subside. If it absolves itself it will happen more slowly and I will feel mild to sharp pain for an extended amount of time....yeah the difference between the two is so vague that even the pain meds make more sense.

So in the time that I was at the hospital (Late wednesday night until Thursday afternoon) I was shot up with some serious amounts of Phenegran(no idea how to spell) & Demoral. Both cheeks have more than one mark left from the shots. ;o(

They sent me home with some serious oral pain meds but with the addendum that if the pain shoots back up to an 8 or 10 on a 1-10 scale again, please return to the hospital. Yeeeaaaahhhh... My doctor hopes that this one will pop or pass on its on. With me they try to avoid any type of incision, be it traditional or laproscopic.

The major learning curve in this entire episode: Due to last years abnormal cyst attack I now am more prone to have problems with cyst. Especially during ovulation. Meaning they said this could happen once a month, every month. Okay little cramps related to cysts I can handle - cysts that make me feel like the butcher knife and the baseball bat are learning how to spar while dancing on my right side - not so welcome in this house!

Sorry for the alarmingly descriptive body rant in this post, I think the meds are making me a little *witchy* today. Anyway, I will grumble and gripe to the dog while he keeps me company during my awake hours today...Have a wonderful weekend.

I pulled the trigger & did not even know it was loaded...

Everyone has their trigger: that word or movement or item that brings a memory back so fresh. It almost always is unexpected, especially when that trigger knocks us back into moments that took us by surprise to begin with. Tonight I found myself packing an overnight bag, collecting some books, arranging my iPod and I wrote down the date on a CD I was burning for my sister… I am going to Atlanta this weekend to see Nina, Keith & the kids for Nina’s birthday. I am going by myself so that Marcus can get some work done, plus they are going to Camden for the Fourth so he will see everyone then. My hand shook when I set the pen down and I got so nauseated. I found myself just sitting there and it took a few moments to register…it was the date that did it. The last days of June…

A year ago I took the same trip. Packed the same bag – even some of the same clothes; I went by myself last year too. Last year Stacie met me in Atlanta on her way down to Camden. It was a great trip – we celebrated my sister’s birthday, ate some yummy food, the kids finished up swim team, Nina & I were bouncing off the walls ready for New York, I was excited about seeing them the upcoming Thursday for the Fourth. The repetition is eerie due to its repetition, but I realized a moment ago that last year I wrote a blog entry when I got back from Atlanta all about the weekend and the fun we had…that blog entry is the last entry I made until August 2nd – the day we should have been in New York. I did not make a single entry in July 2008.
2 weeks after the Atlanta trip I was screaming my head off and terrified out of my mind. For some reason that fear hit me tonight like a brick wall. I just sat down beside my bag and just cried. You would think I had watched the saddest movie or read a tear jerker book. I could not & still cannot stop the tears. For a minute I just was trying to quit sobbing. I cannot imagine what people go through when they are hit with the memory of a loss but for me this was a loss that for a second I could not explain the grieving, but that is what I have done for the last 30 minutes – grieve. I grieved for a part of me that I had not even realized had died. That part that had always been excited about unknown weeks ahead & adventures yet to come, but also that part of me that plans extensively. Marcus has noticed that when we plan a trip lately I don’t come home within three days with “travel book”. So far I have waited until the week we are to go on the trip to compile information. Fear of the unknown and fear that if I plan and put my heart into it the world will just rip the plans away.

It physically hurts to be afraid of the rest of the summer – yes ridiculous isn’t it, I am afraid of the upcoming weeks. Terrified of repetition. I even threw in an odd shirt in my bag just to really mess it all up :o) Laugh at the pitiful girl – trust me I have to. Sorry for a bummer type of entry but blogging is my personal therapy. This is a new thing for me. I mean I have my fears but the unknown has never really been one of them. I tend to run head first, thinking later about the unknown. But in the last year, I have been more cautious and have tried to be more self aware.
Anyway, tomorrow I drive. I loaded new songs to the iPod, I have my camera for new pictures, I may buy a few new clothing items this weekend or something, I just know that mixing it up a bit in even the littlest way will help. Here is to a great weekend and an amazing rest of summer. Hopefully the repetition will be the comforting kind and the unknown will be the extraordinary kind. :o)

Super-Puppy-Bowl Sunday!

Well it is here - Super Bowl Sunday!!

Though I am sad that the football season is really closing it is a shortlived sadness. Signing day for college football is February 4th and before you know it April will be here along with "A" day on campus.

Those of you may not know that while the Super Bowl is going on, Animal Planet also puts on the Puppy Bowl. This is an adorable "bowl game" with some of the cutest puppies. At halftime rather than some concert they have kittens romping around and a parrot sings the opening National Anthem. It is hilariously cute. It runs all day long.

Yesterday I went up to Birmingham with mom, Tabitha and Stephenie for a Twilight Luncheon. It was so much fun. This was just a simple lunch with the four of us & Lucy at California Pizza Kitchen. Mom, Tab, Stephanie, and I had went to the Venetian Spa for pedicures before lunch & some shopping at the Summit. After lunch we headed to Brookwood mall to HOT TOPIC for some Twilight memorabilia. It was a fun girls day out. Poor Marcus is sick with a bad case of Bronchitis and spent the day at home. Today has been pretty lazy. Mostly a little cooking for the game and some Wii time. :)

Well Marcus & I decided to flip the channel for just a few moments to see the cute puppies of Puppy Bowl V and we discovered their number one fan....