OH MY GOSH! It is Wednesday... AGAIN!
We have decided to take the alphabet and select a word for each letter for the next 26 Wednesdays. Marcus will be drawing the word from a hat.
So this week the letter is S and the word is....
There is too much to think about today. My mind cannot fathom how to handle the changes. But what if I cannot do it, what if I fail her? Will she understand why I did what I did? I don't know if I can take it if she doesn't.
My fingers shake as I run them through my hair. I need a haircut.
Moving across the room I notice the pile of paperwork yet to be completed. It is already after seven. It will not do any good to go home yet. I might as well work a little while longer.
An hour has passed yet the papers have not moved. Sitting here at my desk, pen in hand, radio playing softly from my computer and still no progress. I don't know where to begin. The words scrawled across the pages stare at me; taunting me. They know that I have not found a way. Not yet.
I need to do something. Maybe just work on the plan. No! I need to go to her.
I shut down the computer and stand up. Every single muscle screams as I raise my arms above my head. Behind me the lights of downtown blink in unison. My briefcase feels heavy as I place it on the desk. Slowly I enter the combination and lift the lid. Beneath the planner and some files lays the one. I open the folder and see the photograph.
Deep green eyes stare up at me. Her smile radiates off the page. I run my finger along the soft curve of her cheek and a sigh escapes my lips. I can no longer deny fate.
In my car I feel just as lost as I did in the office. The seatbelt across my chest cuts into my skin, tightening with every breath I take. The windows are dark, shadows creep along the sidewalk but I do not move.
Where will we go? Will we be able to even survive? Yes. We must. I cannot risk her anymore. It has to be now.
I start the car and drive the ten miles to my destination.
The car rumbles as it idles across from the house. The small home is lit from within. I can see the dining room. The table is covered with pieces of fabric. She must have been working on a design. Thank goodness she is smart enough to keep up that pretense. I begin to turn the switch when I see a movement from the upstairs window.
There it is. The reason, the beginning and for us, the end. Immediately my jaw tightens and my fingers curl around the steering wheel. I cannot stop the heat that crawls through me, the hatred wraps around my heart and forces me to remember why it must go as planned. Everything must be perfect.
I see her pass the window. Her hair is pulled back and she is wearing a soft blue dress. The fabric sways as she moves. It is her own design. My grip softens, a grin spreads across my face.
God she is beautiful! So talented. How did I live before her?
I want to jump from the car and go to her. But I cannot. Not yet.
I watch her go to the kitchen. She begins to wash the dishes. Her silhouette against the curtained window has my heart beat quickening.
Then I hear the yell. Curses ring out and I see it move beyond the dining room. It will be to her in a millisecond. She turns before it reaches her. I unbuckle my seatbelt, placing my hand on the handle when I see it grab at her. She moves out of reach. It lunges for her.
My fingers fumble with the dials and I barely get the message across before I am moving.
I am crossing the road and almost to the door when I hear the scream. The hatred returns as I try the doorknob. A growl escapes my lips as the lock protests my entry. I step back before kicking the door in. I don't see the wood splinter, I only hear the scream. I do not notice the lamp broken on the floor, I only feel the heat of hate. I do not see the water on the floor, I only taste the need for blood.
She is against the wall when I enter the kitchen. It stands over her shouting for her to get up. It does not see me at first. Her eyes dart to mine and I see her fear. It turns around and sneers. Bloodshot eyes stare back at me. I can see the scars on his arms from years of over usage.
"What the hell are you doing here? Get out of my house." It steps towards me and I throw my right hand at it's face. It's head whips back but it does not fall. I shake my fist from the impact. She tries to move from the wall. It grabs her arm and yanks her to her feet.
"Are you here for this? For this wretched excuse for a woman? She. is. mine." It spats the words at me. She punches at its chest and I reach for her. It pushes me back into the counter. I lose my breath for a moment. Just long enough for it to hit her. She tumbles to the ground beside the dishwasher door. It lays open exposing her earlier task.
The rage bubbles in my gut. I see only it. I know now that the plan needs to be altered.
I look around the room. The knives will be too messy, the pans will leave a mark. I scan every surface. It moves towards me with a sneer.
"You are trespassing. I don't call the police on trespassers, I have my own lesson for ya." It laughed and shifted to a fighting stance.
Sirens in the distance have me counting the seconds.
I barely glance down as she moves to stand behind him. She staggers to her feet as it taunts me. I pray she will leave the room, but I see her staring at its back. Just as I ready myself for its first punch I hear the sickening crack of metal meeting bone. It falls forward. I barely catch it. The body is heavy, twice my size and I almost crumple beneath the weight.
She stands in the kitchen, skillet in hand, her cheek is blue and her head is bleeding. Her hair is now a tangled mess from its hands and the soft blue dress is stained and ripped. Her eyes are wide as she looks at it on the floor, crumpled and helpless. I see the blood begin to collect on the gray tile and I move towards her to shield her vision.
She grabs me tight and begins to sob, then she laughs. A loud laugh that echoes through the house. Her body shakes as we move to the living room. The sirens are blaring now. The room fills with dark blue uniforms. I nod towards the kitchen as a friend enters the room.
He returns shaking his head and I know the plans are no longer needed. My sigh escapes into her hair as she leans against me. No longer laughing her body jumps as each hiccup overtakes her. My friend kneels in front of her introducing himself as my partner. She pulls up quickly and looks at me. Her eyes are wide and for a moment I am terrified then she tilts her head to look at me. She does not speak for a moment. She turns back to him and begins to talk without even being asked. He begins to write. She motions to me and smiles. The first real smile in a long time. My heart fills and I squeeze her hand.
She is so beautiful.
Two weeks later she stands in a large room. She has learned that it had many secrets. The drugs were only the beginning. A man in a robe tells her no charges will be placed and she is free to go. Bright yellow cotton fits snuggly to her curves, another original. Her hair falls softly on her shoulders and her green eyes are bright. She thanks the man and turns to face me. I have not spoken to her since that night.
I have not told her what I felt, what I feel.
My heart jumps into my throat as I worry what she will say. Her body sways as she walks over to me. My partner turns to leave but she places a hand on his arm and leans in to kiss him on the cheek. Unnecessary jealousy courses through me. I stare at the floor. She thanks him and I inhale. Her voice is soft. I always loved to hear her talk.
He talks for a moment then leaves us. Her fingers are gripping the handle on her purse and I know she is nervous. It makes me smile a little. I look at her face. Her green eyes are filled with tears and immediately I reach for her. She does not back away but rushes into my arms. I hold her tightly as she wraps around me. She tilts her head back.
"I only have one question." Her voice slides over me with a caress. I nod.
"Were you there that night because you were told to be?" the question is quietly asked and in it there are a million other ones. I exhale.
My arms tighten around her and I lower my face to hers. She is inches away from me as I breathe out the answer.
She smiles and raises on her toes to kiss me. I fall into it. She pulls back and laughs, a full bodied laugh.
God she is beautiful.