Courtney S. Barr

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Tuesday, March 15, 2016


Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful. - Colossians 4:2

Pray continually – 1 Thessalonians 5:17

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. – Philippians 4:6 

I have found myself surrounding my thoughts, forging my plans and discovering new things within the beauty that is prayer. My songs have become prayer, my thoughts, my visions of what is to come. It is an immersion I never expected and an adventure that is wonderfully welcome. It isn’t always easy, it isn’t always second nature; but it is a way to find peace in the chaos – every single time.

The last 7 months have been a rollercoaster ride through this adoption journey. We have already read a large number of “you have not been selected” emails and we know that there could be many more before the child God sees for us finally fills our arms. He/she is already in our hearts. The child we have not even met, even know when born, even know when we will meet already has a place in our life. He/she fills our prayers, our thoughts and our dreams. We know that the day will come when our family grows by one, then by two and then by….well…God’s plans are always interesting and we are definitely leaning in to hear what He has in store. We know that He has us, has the best for us and this desire we have comes from Him and Him alone.

For now, we are still waiting. We watch emails on Wednesday’s like hawks (Social worker R meets with the other states and their social workers on Wednesdays, so lets just say we are attune to our email more acutely on Wed/Thurs than any other day), we recently were in the mix for a child in KY but sadly we were not selected. It was on a Saturday morning that we received the news & as heart wrenching as it always is, my heart took it better than it has before. It wasn’t due to hardening or bitterness – in contrast it was because I’m believing in the power of prayer, in the comfort of prayer and in the truth of prayer. I trust that the Lord will send us the additions to our family, He will do so in His time and every time we get to hear a birthmother’s name, get to read a dossier on these women we are given the opportunity to pray…for a stranger, for a woman/girl who may be family one day, for a child we may welcome home one day, for a girl we may never meet, for a family we may never be a part of…the “mays” are many. But the important part of all this is: opportunity to pray. What an honor! We get to be intercessors for these young women, these unborn/born children, their families, their futures…What a beauty it is to pray for someone, even though the email comes that says “you have not been selected” tears at my soul, my spirit reminds me that I still must pray for them. 

I won’t forget their names, their bits of information and the hope I felt when I read their info summaries. I remember every one and each one is a piece of me, a portion of my heart that is building a memorial to the children we will one day have. I pray that someone prays for us when we are selected, that the couples that receive the emails we see now stop and pray for us, that they love us and that they hope for us. I am excited for that day, for now I will pray in all things and wait for His timing.

While we wait we are preparing for a trip, one that I have always dreamed of taking and one that we know will be a beautiful celebration of two friends getting married and an opportunity to see a part of the world much different from our own.

For now I leave you all, our wonderful Village, with some fabulous travel words that always make me smile….

Once a year, go somewhere you have never been before….- Anonymous

 “To my mind, the greatest reward and luxury of travel is to be able to experience everyday things as if for the first time, to be in a position in which almost nothing is so familiar it is taken for granted.” – Bill Bryson