Thursday, March 16, 2017
Tuesday, March 7, 2017
Tuesday, February 28, 2017
The birth grandmother was on the other line; she just wanted to hear my voice, to talk at least once before this all became the reality we were all teetering on. We both cried, I told her I loved her and her precious daughter – all the barest, honest, most transparent truth and it was refreshing to realize it in that moment that my love for them wasn’t new; I’d loved them before I knew they existed. In my heart had been a place, a hidden place that I had not known about that had been carved for those that would sacrifice so much for me, for this child, for a life of purpose in the name of love, we spoke a few moments longer then hung up.
I sat down, still, and in a bit of a trance. M began to move. Grabbing clothes in the closet. Calling out things we would need. Walking from one end of the house to the other. He asked about the weather there, what we would need, what about a place to stay, car rental - baby things. All the things I typically meticulously plan out for our trips came rolling off his tongue and fell around me. I sat. Breathing, but sitting quiet and still. For Duchess it was an out of body experience to see the role reversal and even now we still laugh about that night. We had nothing by the way. Seriously not prepared to be parents! Lol. We had a diaper bag. That. IS. IT.
Tuesday, February 21, 2017
Get ready, Village, I've finally taken the moments, pulled the notes that I wrote while it all happened and penned the parts up to the present...so here they all come....
Tuesday, December 13, 2016
The last time I posted it was a mere 3 days prior to the birth of our daughter. Yes, our beautiful, perfect, lovely, cherished, adored and fabulously fun daughter.
We asked for prayer. You delivered.
We asked for faith. You delivered.
We asked for peace. He delivered
We asked for blessings. He delivered.
We are still reeling, still jolted awake in moments of disbelief and humility. God delivers, every time.
She was not in the package we imagined. She was not from the state we thought she would be.
She was not anything that we thought she would be...she is more. He never short changes our blessings. He never skimps on His miracles. Even in the seemingly mundane He produces magical results.
Because you are a part of this story, we wanted to give you the details...so here is Part 1
As some of you now know, on 10/7/16 we were contacted by a cousin* of my mother. She knew of a young couple who were pregnant and were discussing placement of their child. She knew this because her husband was cousins to the birthmother.
(* this lovely cousin of ours, she and I had connected months before. Her family was going through a tough season of loss and well, honestly, M and I had so many rejections during 2015 and the beginning of 2016 that when me and our cousin met up we just gave each other exactly what we needed: sounding boards of faith and support. Little did we know the things that God had already set in motion, the behind the curtain plotline that God knew so well)
So she had known that this couple was pregnant, but in God's beautiful timing, He had not yet laid it on her heart to even mention us. She was just doing as He asks and praying for them. Then around month 7-8 she heard more of their discussions were seriously leaning towards placement. It was in the end of September only a week or two before she ever spoke to us that the Holy Spirit whispered to her 3 little words: I know someone. As this couple, this family of her husbands were all seeking guidance, seeking the hows the whens the whos of what they might do for this beautiful child that they love so much...He whispered, she listened, then she spoke.
We, by the way, have no idea of any of this. It is scenes of our life that He had orchestrated, He had designed for us to not know until exactly the moment He knew we were ready. I had just told a close friend that her words of encouragement were now my mantra. For 7 days I spoke these words every day, I cried them out as I drove home in the evenings and they were on my tongue every morning: I am ready to be ready when called. Christine Caine had spoken the words "you must be ready to be ready when called" at an event my friend had attended. She had prayed those words over me. I hadn't even really been asking for prayer for the adoption, it was actually for another life event that I had seeked her guidance on. But God was there, as He always is; His infinite wisdom fusing together the words I needed in a box I least expected. So there I was just realizing that I had been believing a a lie that I wasn't ready for all He had in store and had just become a believer in myself and how He had equipped me when BAM! God says hello in a big way....
My cousin calls, its 10:29 p.m. We just watched a movie and were getting a drink for the ride home. We stopped to call my cousin in the Captain D's parking lot...she could barely get the words out after some small talk..."I don't want to get y'lls hopes up or anything. But, um, okay...so *my husband* cousin is pregnant and they are talking about giving it up for adoption. And well, I told them about you...and um, I wanted to see if y'all were interested first, I mean before I tell them more about you. I mean they know about you...but not KNOW about you yet. So, yeah, are you...interested?" I will not lie, I laughed a little. M was watching me on the phone, hearing only one sided words...he was baffled. I told her of course and to please let me know what happens after she talks to them and that was it. We hung up.
M sat beside me as I laughed. No joke, Village, I laughed. It was so...Godly. He loves these moments I believe. The moments where He gets to catch us off guard, set us on our heels a little, astonish us with moments of conversations - no fireworks, just intimate conversations that were orchestrated by His perfect planning. I began to relay the words to M. I watched his face, the intent listening that shifted to concern, then hope, then excitement. It was infectious. We sat there for about 5 minutes just believing. We talked immediately in postives: Ths is going to be our baby. This is it. God has this. This is amazing. Then we shifted to the holy crap...what do we do? Well we prayed. Yep, we sat in the truck and prayed. We got home and sat in the truck, staring at our home, laughing randomly and just holding hands...talking out loud about the possibility of what might happen...Then we excitedly went to bed and slept...dreaming of could be moments and possibilities....
Then it all goes haywire....
NEXT POST WILL CONTINUE THE STORY of BABY EVERLEIGH...
I tell you the truth, you can say to this mountain, 'May you be lifted up and thrown into the sea,' and it will happen. But you must really believe it will happen and have no doubt in your heart.
Wednesday, October 12, 2016
Let the mountains move.
We are waiting...as we always seem to type. This time though, my words are heavy with prayer and petition and thanksgiving. God has laid a hope on our hearts that has surpassed all the rest so far in this journey. We know that He goes before us, that He is fighting our battles, that He promises good things, that His plans are good and that trials/tribulations are to be seen as perseverance and a favor to God, for endurance brings us closer to Him with every passing moment/day/year.
This week we are asking our prayer warriors to please lift up our journey. To lift up the birthmother and child that God has chosen for us. He knew their names, He knew their birth dates before we even existed and we are believing in His infinite wisdom and timing.
We know that He has prepared for us, for these days and for all that we desire. We know that faith can move mountains and mountains are moving whether we see them at this moment or later.
We are lifting our eyes, our hearts to the Lord of all Creation. He knows what we desire and His promises are true. This day, this week we are praying the following verses & we invite you to please pray these for any situation you are encountering in life right now:
It is the LORD who goes before you. He will be with you; He will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.
The LORD himself will fight for you. Just stay calm.
2 Chronicles 20:12-17
Be not afraid, or dismayed at this great multitude; for the battle is not yours, but Gods. You shall not need to fight in this battle; take your positions, stand still and see the deliverance of the Lord.
In all these things, we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.
‘Not by might nor by power, but by My Spirit’, says the Lord of hosts.
We welcome your prayers and know that we are praying for you all. Our Village has been such an important part of all of this journey and continues to be so. Know that we love you all.
Monday, August 22, 2016
I saw the Lord always in my presence; for He is at my right hand, so that I will not be shaken – Acts 2:25
There is something about good news. It isn't just the obvious - the good part, it's beyond that. It's the acceptance and the celebration and the reality of the news...the truth of it.
We received a text from a sweet set of friends who know our adoption journey well. They know it not because we've told them but because their journey has been so similar. I was on the rocker watching a favorite Friends episode when the text came across.
A picture of a beautiful baby girl and a message following introducing us to the newest member of their family. Their secret was out.
The tears came first. I wept. I smiled and laughed out loud. I then responded sharing in their joy & utter adoration of their new daughter.
My mind flickered, trembling a bit for a moment as it recalled the day’s message at church. Our pastor spoke on faith. On continued faith. The faith we all speak of but sometimes let slip. I've let it slip. I've let the waiting, the time and the expectations of my own heart cause it to slip. God hasn't caused it. I have. He's been doing what He does and He's been doing it perfectly. I'm the anxious one, the one giving a time table, end date and expectant result. Our pastor spoke about those time tables, the ones we create and how the humor in the Word reminds us that His time is not like our time & most importantly He isn't going to change that because we get frustrated or petulant or demanding...no, He is the all knowing One. The One who sees ALL the pieces from our beginning and our end and He loves the first piece & He loves the last piece, but I believe He cherishes the pieces in between. He is going to enjoy the closeness that is created as we go to him during the in between.
Have you ever looked up the definition of cherish? It's actually perfect for His perspective and a word I personally select in these moments to center myself in His love.
To cherish is to: protect and care for (someone) lovingly; keep a hope or ambition in one's mind
Adore, love, dote on, be devoted to, nurture, foster, cling to, possess.
In that definition there is no denying the importance of the journey & the presence of God himself. The word itself evokes how He loves us. I can't stop singing His praises because I'm tired of the waiting, it's in the exhaustion I must whisper His name, when the tears roll I must not let walls build I must let them fall away.
It may not always make sense to me, but it doesn't have to- that therein lies sometimes the hardest part to swallow. But we must take our hope and lay it on Him. For He is with us always. He is the best of our good news, He is the answer to every question.
Those sweet friends of mine are celebrating, praising Him today...but it isn't the first time they have, no the good news they shared was good – amazing, beautiful, wonderful even; but the BEST part of their journey is how their identity in Christ evolved when the days were long and the pain ran deep. I cannot imagine how they are feeling - I dream about how we will feel when our day comes and I trust in Him that the date is there, written down and will come when He has deemed it to.
The good news in this story is beyond overwhelmingly good, it is a heart’s desire, an answered prayer and a million Christmas mornings all in one. So the good news runs deep, it is flooding their every moment and in it, we see beyond just the simple word good and we see best. We see chosen, adored, devoted, nurturing…every bit of what it is to cherish the sweet beautiful little girl they now hold.
The journey isn't ending for them, not at all - this parenting journey will be full of more sleepless, prayer filled nights but it will be all the better because the first leg of their journey was prayer filled, hope filled and faith filled & this time they are holding to the truth they have received in His promises. He still remains, the doting Father, the adoring parent and the loving promise that everything of Him is good, even when we can’t see it yet, even when the nights are long and the tears fall for hurt not joy, for when the day comes that everything is clear we will embrace Him and see that faith has not only been exactly what we needed along the way, but it is the steadfast answer to our prayer before the words even leave our lips…
Dear Village, please continue to pray for our journey of adoption, growth and faith, but this week we also ask that you visit our friend’s post and read about Faith, and their adoption journey – pray for them, for the birthmother and for this precious child.
And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to Him must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who earnestly seek Him. – Hebrews 11:6
Thursday, August 11, 2016
There is struggle even on the days where struggle isn’t on the surface.
I’ve been in a loop lately.
A cycle of questions and curiosities that has stirred my emotions. We are in that place, the time period of the year where you will soon see that we will give an update after our Home Study is updated, interviews updated and visits updated. It is the month where I state: another year passed. Thank goodness we aren't Hamsters in this journey, we push forward and not only do we go somewhere, but where we end up and the track to get there is such a beautiful adventure to travel. It is these days of "loops" that I have to choose to dig deep. I cling to the truths that timing is His, that my lack of control over it is the best option and that my heart is guarded, protected and cherished by Him. He has plans, good ones... for us. He knows our desires, He knows our hopes and our dreams, He sees me, sees me more clearly than I see myself…these are truths, promises, and they are so very worthy of the weight they carry.
I still loop. There will still be days where like the hamster I step into the wheel, focused too much on how I get it to move, how I will think that I alone can make it eventually go somewhere...those are the days when I must remember what it means to truly "go somewhere", to Him, to His word and His power. I am not perfect, I am a Christian who acknowledges that I will never be perfect; my pursuit is to be like Him, to glorify Him, to share Him and to love Him. I am a light in the darkness – a light that is sourced from the King of all Kings; it is my duty and pleasure to shine for anyone I encounter & most especially to travel this life with the ultimate guide.
I never expected two years to pass and we still be renewing CANs, Fingerprints, Interviews, Profiles and Home Studies – at least not for Cherished Blessing Number 1. I know that when I speak in years I really should say year 8, but in the scheme that is most understandable it is year 2.
He has this. I believe that. He loves us. I know that. He has plans for us, great ones. I trust that.
So today I just wanted to post about ups and downs, the loops that I’m in right now.
I’m focusing on the new beginnings in our life. A new company, venture – where my name is followed by words like “entrepreneur, CEO, artist, owner” and where my days are full of the 22 year old blessing we cherish more than anything as she finishes out her last months of college, as she wanders the ocean of where the next shore is, as she shines so brightly that I sometimes just lean into who she is and rest. Our sweet Duchess makes us proud every day.
We are so honored to have this life. We know that the trials and tribulations cause us to hiccup, to hesitate, to question, to wonder and most of all to seek…He likes this part, the part where we crawl closer to Him, where we see the wall before us – that moment when the reality that we cannot do this alone – when we know that we need help – when we are so vulnerable that to hold on would be damaging – He loves that moment, where we see only His love, only His way, only His plan…the honesty of that moment takes my breath away every. single. time.
Join us in prayer. Join us as we pray for a birthmother yet to know who we are, for the children who already know their Heavenly Father but will soon meet us as the parents who will pray to raise them up to glorify Him. Pray for the parents who are sending their children to school this month, for the teachers and educators who are tasked with teaching and loving and supporting the next generations. Pray for understanding in the waiting. That we always are conscious of His blessings. Pray that as I ride out this loop of emotions that I find stability in the promises of the Word.
Dear Village…We pray for you, for all of you, that you have open eyes and hearts to the gifts of the Kingdom, that the Holy Spirit – your ever constant friend and companion – that the Spirit fills you and that your heart leans in, listens and shines like never before. That when you get stuck in the loop, that you take that moment to rest and step out, to find Him in the chaos and take confidence in the journey ahead.
“This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us.” 1 John 5:14