Courtney S. Barr

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Sunday, February 8, 2009

Adapting my vision...

What a week. Nothing of major note occurred but I can feel this shift in my life. I promised myself at the beginning of January to be an 'eyes open' person. You know the ones, those people that seem to truly see & appreciate their lives. I mean who doesn't appreciate being alive, but sometimes it is hard to see the greatness in the chaos of our own every day.
I felt the shift probably the most on Tuesday night. Nothing major, we were just watching Privileged on the CW (great show by the way), and a background song came on. I have been following Priscilla Ahn for awhile; waiting for her to hit mainstream music. As Megan (character on show) sits in a restaurant/bar waiting for her best friend the song Dream began to play. This song is a snapshot of me. It is very simple in its lyrics, but the melody will sweep you through childhood flashbacks, current excursions and a contentment you may hope for in the future. Marcus looked over and said "Hey! That's your song." Yes it is. I found myself humming the lyrics for two days after that. I also found myself smiling at the oddest times & even just laughing out loud when I was driving with no one else in the car. Those little spurts of positive energy make the whole 'eyes open' thing like breathing.
As for my physical attention to being eyes open & am taking a practical but really fun approach. On Friday, after an EXTREMELY stressful workday, I came home and did 30 minutes of yoga & 30 minutes of aerobics. I know - aerobics??? But the yoga. I have found a real love for this. Yoga makes me breathe. I calmed down and was a much nicer person than I was when I had first arrived home. As I got ready for dinner I told Marcus how much those 30 minutes of Sun Salutation, Half Moons, Palm Trees & Warrior movements made me feel good. He grinned for a minute, then puffed up his chest and said: "yes my flower child wife - it seems all the new agey stuff makes you nicer." He quickly kissed my cheek ready for a smart return or smack :) Instead I asked: "Can you tell a difference?" The smile stayed as the answer of "Actually yes. The last few weeks have been really different." He could not explain how but I was pleased that he informed me it was a pleasant different.
You see, I am actively trying to see myself, my surroundings and my actions with more clarity. For the first time ever, I am actually doing something about my vision. I don't mind if the aerobics makes me healthy, if the yoga makes me more flexible, I am honestly doing it because I am enjoying it. I found a way to not make it a chore. Nothing spectacular, no miracle movements, no major jewelry at a certain point - I just decided to open my eyes and give something a whirl. If I stop enjoying it, I just have to not get defeated, maybe I will try something else. No matter what - I matter & my view of my life matters. To be honest the view from here is pretty good......(sore, but good :) )


  1. That explains why I haven't heard from you, your new agey stuff leaves me behind! :) I'm glad that you are feeling so good and that you have an outlet with yoga and aerobics. And I'm glad that you aren't lost anymore! Oh and I only changed my voicemail for work, I would never leave out my paradise for any other reason then to sound more business-like.

  2. I like Yoga, too, but don't do it anymore. It was my life saver in high school and the first part of college. I LOVE your new layout and background!


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