Re-direction...

I hope everyone had a very Happy Easter holiday. We headed down to the big city of Camden & had a very nice & relaxing time.
Most of you probably don't know that recently I have really had some odd bouts of depressive moods. My emotions have been a whirlwind for quite some time (about 7 months actually) but the worst came most recently. I am the poster child for putting on a good front no matter what my mood & really when I appear to be in a bad mood it typically is more derivative of something deeper. You see when I state in my ABOUT ME that I am sensitive to my surroundings - it is not an exaggeration. Marcus calls me his "tortured artist" and at times I really empathize with the concept. We all have down days & have to push through but it seemed lately mine were rolling on top of me & never letting me breathe much less have the ability to 'push' back. This past week was very trying for me. I felt like I was really heading in the wrong direction with my life, that somewhere a choice I had made had somehow made all choices obsolete. The paths were destroyed - no longer could I venture into something different. It took a day to look at the sky & barren pecan trees for me to realize how ignorant I had become. You see I have so many interests, so many areas I want to explore that sometimes those options had swamped me. Then I would wake up go to work & feel pigeon holed - never would I be seen as someone other than what I do at work. How silly; I had let the outside world change my own personal view of myself. Now granted a day in the sun does not make for continuous sunny days but it did help lift a good portion of my mood & made me a bit more positive about my current self reflections. I lay on a hammock in the back yard of my parents house and found myself crying silently to myself. Crying not for being sad but angry, guilty tears. I felt angry that I had let myself become this sad pity party & guilty because my pity party is for something that is seemingly petty compared to issues other people have. Then as my mother called across the yard and asked if I was okay it was like a movie show in front of me. I was honestly flooded with memories. I saw myself in a wheelbarrow beneath my old bedroom window. I sat on a quilt with a book & sketchpad in my lap. The air was so hot, but the cool metal that touched my skin helped to ward it off. I could hear my brother & his friend heading out on four wheelers to fish in the pond. I saw me & my best friend on a rainy day smashing bottles off the back porch (we got in trouble for that one). I saw Marcus & I sitting in the swing under the pecan tree, so young & so full of love. Then the sounds of splashes in the pool, my parents dancing in the kitchen. Then just as swiftly I remembered clover, lush green clover all underneath the fruit trees, I could see my mom on the front porch hollering out to see if I was okay. The memories were plentiful & I swear in some I smiled at myself. In the present I had stopped swaying on the hammock & then I was smiling. It felt so good to really smile. I just almost felt washed over with relaxation. My stomach wasn't turning & the tears had dried up. I know that being a "tortured artist" :) that my path will not be smooth & clear but realizing that there is always a reason to be happy, I am alive, I have family, friends, God gave me so many talents, too many I think sometimes. Here I am just letting them waste, blaming it on "not having time". POSH! He gave me these talents who am I to let them sit & waste away. Those talents are what make me whole, they are my escape, my sanity, my insanity, my happiness & my sadness. So again I have to look at myself and chastise the human emotion of self-pity & move forward. So look out who knows what you may see me putting in a blog next. Lets just hope that I don't go crazy trying to figure out which direction to go. I am most glad though to realize my directions never left in the first place, I had merely put up a roadblock.

Nicknames

Seems everyone has posted their nicknames & since I have a couple myself I feel that I could share them with the world:
1. CoCo - this particular nickname popped up in the 3rd grade when Stacie, Brandi, Weslyn & I created our own Fantastic Four "girls club" and gave each other code nicknames. Yes code, we thought they would be difficult to decipher - oh the mind of a 3rd grader. (this is also used with the nieces & nephews sometimes: Aunt CoCo)
2. Goose - this particular nickname goes back farther than my own memory. My oldest brother Jeremy christened me this one & it has always stuck. He is really the only one who uses it & due to that it has always been quite special to me. I idolized him as a little girl & the fact that he bestowed my very own nickname was very special & important growing up.
3. Princess - for obvious reasons - why would you not call someone what they are?
4. Snookie - reserved only for Marcus (he in turn is my Snookie Bear) yes I know...
5. Silly Girl - my mom used to use this when I was little, I don't know if even she would remember it. I always liked it though.
6. Marcus' Girlfriend - for quite sometime throughout our dating period in high school to Marcus' family I did not have a name I was merely Marcus' Girlfriend. Yep - there are too many cousins in his family & well they just dubbed me that rather than using my real name.

Those are really the most prominent that ever stuck. I guess that nicknames are just a force of habit, we give them to my nieces and nephews: Colton, Coy, & Jon are Knuckleheads #1, #2, & #3. Anna was very upset to NOT be considered a knucklehead so she was given Knucklehead #4. Jessica is Jess, Christian is ITTY BITTY BOY, Hannah (Mindy's little girl) is Hannah Montana. It just sort of happens the words come out & boom you are christened that new spontaneous nickname. To me it is most amusing as to why we have them over what they are.

Time well spent...

Another visit with the Fantastic 4. No I am not crazy & believe the Fantastic 4 will just stop saving the world to spend time with me.... the 4 I am speaking of are my sister's kids. We were blessed to spend another weekend enjoying the sounds of chaos, calamity, laughter, love, & fun. I am ever amazed by my sister's ability to keep up with it all & not run around in her underwear screaming or even laughing hysterically. Those 4 kids are an adventure no matter what the daily agenda holds. They see so much fun in such different places & immediately see the yuck in many of the same things we adults do. I love that her youngest, Christian, immediately knows that with his dinner time he needs to take his medicine. He gets the bottle, the spoon and waits for mom to spoon some out. Also how Anna tends to sing or bounce every moment, the occasional moment of stillness comes only when the television captures her mind. There is Jessica who every night proclaims her royalty by wearing a princess night gown, complete with ribbons & sparkly areas. Then you have the oldest Jon, definitely able to spot a chore request & does it well, albeit a little begrudgingly; he recognizes the excitement of adventure whether it be on Television, in a book, a movie, or outside. The exuberance is infectious. They have so many beautiful quirks and idiosyncracies that are molding their personalities, I love being a part of the interactive audience of their lives.
Marcus really enjoyed the time with everyone. He was not expecting to be so relaxed once the weekend was over. He did exactly what he loves to do: slept,ate, played games, watched Avatar & laughed - a lot. My husband is such a big kid at heart that those 4 sometimes have to keep up with his imagination. (let's just say a couch can be a hot tub or castle or forrest in his mind) He loves watching the kids, how they interact not only with one another but how each bounces off their parents. Nina & Keith really handle situations with a great deal of patience & comfort. Though I must say getting ready to go anywhere can be a 3 ring circus complete with disappearing & reappearing shoes, animal herding, & tasty snacks. :)
Our dog Peanut watches over them like a little mother hen & loves the craziness of playtime. He sleeps so well at night after running circles with the kids :)
It is always a pleasure to be able to see family, but when I get to spend time with them & really see them it makes me remember how special & blessed we are. I would not trade a moment spent with them for anything in the world. Nina's kids are my Fantastic 4 - which are actually a portion of my Sensational 7: Coy, Colton, Jon, Anna, Jessica, Christian, David. I hope to always be included in their audience & hope they know that every showing is my favorite.

A beautiful weekend..

You could definitely say that a beautiful weekend aides in making us go outside our normal routines or at least gives us guts to do something. You may all think I am talking about some odd adventure & it is in no way NOT an adventure that Marcus & I took on: we shaved Peanut. Yep our little puppy got his first grooming from his mom & dad. Yeah we have never done it before either. I know your thoughts are probably: Ooh. How did this turn out? Well it turned out pretty good. He looks so cute, got his little puppy cut back & he lost about 4 pounds in hair. The length was around 7-8 inches in certain points on his back, and the shaggy sheep dog look was rock'n. Now he is trimmed up with a fluffy tail & looks so precious! He did so well too, though the sound of the shears was not very comforting to him, he handled it well.

The beautiful weekend also made us get out & enjoy Tuscaloosa. We really had a great time just roaming town, stopping at stores we never get to stop at during the week, went out to lunch, and took a nice drive. Marcus never gets to leisurely shop with me around town so it was quite nice for us to just relax & enjoy each other's company. The grocery store was even an okay stop. Because we had no time constraints and no huge list to purchase we were able to just grab some steaks & some fresh herbs and head back home. OOOH those steaks were good. I have perfected my marination techniques if I do say so myself :) We also made a Chocolate Gateau, recipe courtesy of SMELLS LIKE HOME blog (there is a link on the left of my page titled: Cooking Fiend, this is the SMELLS LIKE HOME blog). I have got to tell you this fudgy cake is to die for... I mean sinfully perfect!! She really nailed it with this recipe. We plan to make it again on Thursday night & take it to Atlanta this weekend to share with my sister's family. If any of you stop by my house for a visit, I promise to make one beforehand - it is unreal & is now going to be my go-to dessert for chocolate lovers.

Well the weather we understand is not to stay so warm & wonderful, but hopefully Spring will rise up soon & cover us all...

Here are some pictures of the Nut with his new haircut: