Courtney S. Barr

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Tuesday, June 26, 2007

A Lost Girlfriend....

I lost a girlfriend yesterday. She was 13 years old, had blonde hair, brown eyes, and a cold wet nose. She was my companion, my best friend, my confidant, my protector, my heart, and my soul. She taught me the value of loving unconditionally. She loved me even after I moved away for an internship, when I know she must have thought I abandoned her, yet she loved me maybe more when I returned. She loved grass, barking at nothing, being independent, full of life. She was adaptable, blindness could not slow her down, other dogs did not slow her down. She found great love in 'brother' rottweiler Bear. They became fast friends, respectful, nurturing, a family. She accepted every place I drug her to, from small apartments to big houses, from no yard, to acres, she was fine so long as her family was there. She was a 13 year old girl's fulfilled wish, and a 26 year old young woman's valued love one. She saw my heart bloom with Marcus, never once showing jealousy, she openly loved him, openly gave her approval, and for that I am forever thankful.

I could not sleep last night for even though she had left to join her Bear, I still heard her. The veil was still so thin that her spirit was making sure I was okay. I heard her throughout the house, her nails on the laminate, her slight nesting noise as she crawled into her bed. The confident movement that my mind heard was not of the blind older girl who left, I think it was to let me know she was whole again, she was good. I had the most amazing peaceful feeling around 3 a.m. I was praying just sort of talking to God, Bear, & Bubbles; Letting Bear know she was no longer blind so the feisty wench now had better sight, he should watch out :) I "heard" her again and in my mind memories took over: her in the grass in Camden (she loved for you to throw blades of grass in the air she would chase them and bark); her in my first apartment curled up in the big oversized chair, me & her eating grilled cheese and watching I Love Lucy; her asleep on Marcus's legs on the couch at my parents when I was 16; her on her back her hair all crazy sleeping on a pillow; her scratching her belly on the carpet & she did this ripple & growl thing cause it felt so good; her asleep beside Bear when he got so sick; then there she was at the top of the stairs waiting for us to walk up from work... at that moment, I knew she was okay. She stayed these last 8 weeks I think to help us because we were sad, but her sadness was even greater. She needed him & more than that Bear needed her. God has the best two treasures up there welcoming other people's family members. They now can watch over us all the time, I know they will worry, but I also know that soon we will 'add' another to their family, never replace, and that they will be with me helping me make a choice & I will have their approval when it is time.

Tracy's words about Bear are still some of the most comforting: "Just remember that he had a great life with AMAZING "parents" and that he'll be waiting for you up there just like he was waiting for you everyday when you came home, ready to play and love you" Only this time she will be waiting for me at the top of the stairs, ready to be scratched, to throw grass in the air, and to love us unconditionally....

I love my girl. She was born to Prince Albert & Queen Victoria, a true Princess. Bubbles will forever be the best girlfriend I ever had. May her and Bear stir up as much trouble as they can...

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