There is struggle even on the days where struggle isn’t on the surface.
I’ve been in a loop lately.
A cycle of questions and curiosities that has stirred my emotions. We are in that place, the time period of the year where you will soon see that we will give an update after our Home Study is updated, interviews updated and visits updated. It is the month where I state: another year passed. Thank goodness we aren't Hamsters in this journey, we push forward and not only do we go somewhere, but where we end up and the track to get there is such a beautiful adventure to travel. It is these days of "loops" that I have to choose to dig deep. I cling to the truths that timing is His, that my lack of control over it is the best option and that my heart is guarded, protected and cherished by Him. He has plans, good ones... for us. He knows our desires, He knows our hopes and our dreams, He sees me, sees me more clearly than I see myself…these are truths, promises, and they are so very worthy of the weight they carry.
I still loop. There will still be days where like the hamster I step into the wheel, focused too much on how I get it to move, how I will think that I alone can make it eventually go somewhere...those are the days when I must remember what it means to truly "go somewhere", to Him, to His word and His power. I am not perfect, I am a Christian who acknowledges that I will never be perfect; my pursuit is to be like Him, to glorify Him, to share Him and to love Him. I am a light in the darkness – a light that is sourced from the King of all Kings; it is my duty and pleasure to shine for anyone I encounter & most especially to travel this life with the ultimate guide.
I never expected two years to pass and we still be renewing CANs, Fingerprints, Interviews, Profiles and Home Studies – at least not for Cherished Blessing Number 1. I know that when I speak in years I really should say year 8, but in the scheme that is most understandable it is year 2.
He has this. I believe that. He loves us. I know that. He has plans for us, great ones. I trust that.
So today I just wanted to post about ups and downs, the loops that I’m in right now.
I’m focusing on the new beginnings in our life. A new company, venture – where my name is followed by words like “entrepreneur, CEO, artist, owner” and where my days are full of the 22 year old blessing we cherish more than anything as she finishes out her last months of college, as she wanders the ocean of where the next shore is, as she shines so brightly that I sometimes just lean into who she is and rest. Our sweet Duchess makes us proud every day.
We are so honored to have this life. We know that the trials and tribulations cause us to hiccup, to hesitate, to question, to wonder and most of all to seek…He likes this part, the part where we crawl closer to Him, where we see the wall before us – that moment when the reality that we cannot do this alone – when we know that we need help – when we are so vulnerable that to hold on would be damaging – He loves that moment, where we see only His love, only His way, only His plan…the honesty of that moment takes my breath away every. single. time.
Join us in prayer. Join us as we pray for a birthmother yet to know who we are, for the children who already know their Heavenly Father but will soon meet us as the parents who will pray to raise them up to glorify Him. Pray for the parents who are sending their children to school this month, for the teachers and educators who are tasked with teaching and loving and supporting the next generations. Pray for understanding in the waiting. That we always are conscious of His blessings. Pray that as I ride out this loop of emotions that I find stability in the promises of the Word.
Dear Village…We pray for you, for all of you, that you have open eyes and hearts to the gifts of the Kingdom, that the Holy Spirit – your ever constant friend and companion – that the Spirit fills you and that your heart leans in, listens and shines like never before. That when you get stuck in the loop, that you take that moment to rest and step out, to find Him in the chaos and take confidence in the journey ahead.
“This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us.” 1 John 5:14