Faith MOVED Mountains Pt.1

Oh, sweet Village...Mountains move. They move, they dance and they proclaim.

The last time I posted it was a mere 3 days prior to the birth of our daughter. Yes, our beautiful, perfect, lovely, cherished, adored and fabulously fun daughter.

We asked for prayer. You delivered.
We asked for faith. You delivered.
We asked for peace. He delivered
We asked for blessings. He delivered.

We are still reeling, still jolted awake in moments of disbelief and humility. God delivers, every time.

She was not in the package we imagined. She was not from the state we thought she would be.
She was not anything that we thought she would be...she is more. He never short changes our blessings. He never skimps on His miracles. Even in the seemingly mundane He produces magical results.

Because you are a part of this story, we wanted to give you the details...so here is Part 1

As some of you now know, on 10/7/16 we were contacted by a cousin* of my mother. She knew of a young couple who were pregnant and were discussing placement of their child. She knew this because her husband was cousins to the birthmother.

(* this lovely cousin of ours, she and I had connected months before. Her family was going through a tough season of loss and well, honestly, M and I had so many rejections during 2015 and the beginning of 2016 that when me and our cousin met up we just gave each other exactly what we needed: sounding boards of faith and support. Little did we know the things that God had already set in motion, the behind the curtain plotline that God knew so well)

So she had known that this couple was pregnant, but in God's beautiful timing, He had not yet laid it on her heart to even mention us. She was just doing as He asks and praying for them. Then around month 7-8 she heard more of their discussions were seriously leaning towards placement. It was in the end of September only a week or two before she ever spoke to us that the Holy Spirit whispered to her 3 little words: I know someone. As this couple, this family of her husbands were all seeking guidance, seeking the hows the whens the whos of what they might do for this beautiful child that they love so much...He whispered, she listened, then she spoke.

We, by the way, have no idea of any of this. It is scenes of our life that He had orchestrated, He had designed for us to not know until exactly the moment He knew we were ready. I had just told a close friend that her words of encouragement were now my mantra. For 7 days I spoke these words every day, I cried them out as I drove home in the evenings and they were on my tongue every morning: I am ready to be ready when called. Christine Caine had spoken the words "you must be ready to be ready when called" at an event my friend had attended. She had prayed those words over me. I hadn't even really been asking for prayer for the adoption, it was actually for another life event that I had seeked her guidance on. But God was there, as He always is; His infinite wisdom fusing together the words I needed in a box I least expected. So there I was just realizing that I had been believing a a lie that I wasn't ready for all He had in store and had just become a believer in myself and how He had equipped me when BAM! God says hello in a big way....

My cousin calls, its 10:29 p.m. We just watched a movie and were getting a drink for the ride home. We stopped to call my cousin in the Captain D's parking lot...she could barely get the words out after some small talk..."I don't want to get y'lls hopes up or anything. But, um, okay...so *my husband* cousin is pregnant and they are talking about giving it up for adoption. And well, I told them about you...and um, I wanted to see if y'all were interested first, I mean before I tell them more about you. I mean they know about you...but not KNOW about you yet. So, yeah, are you...interested?" I will not lie, I laughed a little. M was watching me on the phone, hearing only one sided words...he was baffled. I told her of course and to please let me know what happens after she talks to them and that was it. We hung up.

M sat beside me as I laughed. No joke, Village, I laughed. It was so...Godly. He loves these moments I believe. The moments where He gets to catch us off guard, set us on our heels a little, astonish us with moments of conversations - no fireworks, just intimate conversations that were orchestrated by His perfect planning. I began to relay the words to M. I watched his face, the intent listening that shifted to concern, then hope, then excitement. It was infectious. We sat there for about 5 minutes just believing. We talked immediately in postives: Ths is going to be our baby. This is it. God has this. This is amazing. Then we shifted to the holy crap...what do we do? Well we prayed. Yep, we sat in the truck and prayed. We got home and sat in the truck, staring at our home, laughing randomly and just holding hands...talking out loud about the possibility of what might happen...Then we excitedly went to bed and slept...dreaming of could be moments and possibilities....

Then it all goes haywire....

NEXT POST WILL CONTINUE THE STORY of BABY EVERLEIGH...

I tell you the truth, you can say to this mountain, 'May you be lifted up and thrown into the sea,' and it will happen. But you must really believe it will happen and have no doubt in your heart.
Mark 11:23

Immersion

Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful. - Colossians 4:2

Pray continually – 1 Thessalonians 5:17

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. – Philippians 4:6 

I have found myself surrounding my thoughts, forging my plans and discovering new things within the beauty that is prayer. My songs have become prayer, my thoughts, my visions of what is to come. It is an immersion I never expected and an adventure that is wonderfully welcome. It isn’t always easy, it isn’t always second nature; but it is a way to find peace in the chaos – every single time.

The last 7 months have been a rollercoaster ride through this adoption journey. We have already read a large number of “you have not been selected” emails and we know that there could be many more before the child God sees for us finally fills our arms. He/she is already in our hearts. The child we have not even met, even know when born, even know when we will meet already has a place in our life. He/she fills our prayers, our thoughts and our dreams. We know that the day will come when our family grows by one, then by two and then by….well…God’s plans are always interesting and we are definitely leaning in to hear what He has in store. We know that He has us, has the best for us and this desire we have comes from Him and Him alone.

For now, we are still waiting. We watch emails on Wednesday’s like hawks (Social worker R meets with the other states and their social workers on Wednesdays, so lets just say we are attune to our email more acutely on Wed/Thurs than any other day), we recently were in the mix for a child in KY but sadly we were not selected. It was on a Saturday morning that we received the news & as heart wrenching as it always is, my heart took it better than it has before. It wasn’t due to hardening or bitterness – in contrast it was because I’m believing in the power of prayer, in the comfort of prayer and in the truth of prayer. I trust that the Lord will send us the additions to our family, He will do so in His time and every time we get to hear a birthmother’s name, get to read a dossier on these women we are given the opportunity to pray…for a stranger, for a woman/girl who may be family one day, for a child we may welcome home one day, for a girl we may never meet, for a family we may never be a part of…the “mays” are many. But the important part of all this is: opportunity to pray. What an honor! We get to be intercessors for these young women, these unborn/born children, their families, their futures…What a beauty it is to pray for someone, even though the email comes that says “you have not been selected” tears at my soul, my spirit reminds me that I still must pray for them. 

I won’t forget their names, their bits of information and the hope I felt when I read their info summaries. I remember every one and each one is a piece of me, a portion of my heart that is building a memorial to the children we will one day have. I pray that someone prays for us when we are selected, that the couples that receive the emails we see now stop and pray for us, that they love us and that they hope for us. I am excited for that day, for now I will pray in all things and wait for His timing.

While we wait we are preparing for a trip, one that I have always dreamed of taking and one that we know will be a beautiful celebration of two friends getting married and an opportunity to see a part of the world much different from our own.

For now I leave you all, our wonderful Village, with some fabulous travel words that always make me smile….

Once a year, go somewhere you have never been before….- Anonymous

 “To my mind, the greatest reward and luxury of travel is to be able to experience everyday things as if for the first time, to be in a position in which almost nothing is so familiar it is taken for granted.” – Bill Bryson

Waiting. No really - waiting in truth.

Our journey is still ongoing. I could do what I’ve done lately and just tell all of you that we are: Waiting. 

It’s true. It’s simple. It’s a condensed version of what is going on behind the scenes. I’ve repeated it over and over again. Shrugging my shoulders, sighing, smiling, almost crying each and every single time I say it. But behind the curtain of those seven letters is a plethora of emotions, fears, anxieties, dreams, hopes, joys and silver linings. 

Recently I’ve felt compelled to not blog. To not send updates. To not post that one year has passed by. We are actually about to have our “annual” home visit. This means that they will again come out to our house, inspect it and deem it worthy or not for our future children; a whole year, gone. 

In the simplest moments I dwell on that and sadness creeps in, sometimes I let it lay over me. I indulge in the sorrow. For a while I was ashamed of doing so, until one afternoon last week. I had just spoken to someone who was interested in hiring me to do some graphic work – simple designs for some personalized notecards. She was very excited to have a local artist creating these gifts for her friends. I was flattered at her excitement and honored to get to create for her. She told me how many she wanted and I quoted her a price. She asked how long I had been doing this and I simply answered: “I’ve drawn my whole life, but creating for others like this…one year.” She smiled and asked why only a year. Then the story unfolded. I told her of our adoption process, of the journey, of how I even came to have business cards and my items in boutiques around town, of how we are not at our goal but we are still working towards it, of how I hope to be able to do this after the adoption to help with childcare, of the people we’ve met, of the waiting…She touched my arm, smiling as I completed my story and nodding along. Softly she told me “He prepared you all those years you’ve drawn and He has blessed you with great patience. He will provide you a beautiful family.” I teared up and thanked her for her sweet words.  We parted and I could not help but cry when I sat behind the wheel to head home. 

She was right. He has been preparing me for this for years. Not one year….years. Sometimes He lets me wallow a bit in the waiting, He lets me think about how it feels like we’ve been on this journey too long when really we are on it for the perfect length of time. He lets me wallow because He has faith in me that I will sit up straight in my driver’s seat; I will look to Him and be grateful for the days He has given me. The wallowing becomes a step, a moment needed to get me to the next one. From day one of my life to the moment we hold our child in our arms and as we get to love them forever – each day is perfect in its timing. 

So my update is different today. Today I will pull back the curtain and let you in. We have a completed Home Study – completed means that there is a document with our agency that has ALL our information typed up for legalities and approval for the state of Alabama as well as other licensed states.  The completed Home Study also means we can apply for grants or be able to list our adoption on grant matching websites for tax deductible fundraising purposes. The agency also has a completed Profile. The profile (as I’ve said before) contains all the pictures, all the moments we want to share with the prospective birthmother – the pieces of ourselves we are giving her, hoping she falls in love with us. Since it is the annual anniversary of applying for a child, we will be updating fingerprints, Child Abuse & Neglect State forms, and the Home visit information. Each a cost, each worth every penny to show the government that we are serious, we are good people and that we desire this child. They have the first payments towards our contract; we still have fundraising to do so don’t be surprised if Art for Adoption, Baby Barr Fundraising pops up on Social Media again – we stepped back a little so that we would not be inundating everyone with our journey. We didn’t want to appear to beg or to be asking too much of those we love – all of you – but we do want you to pray, to support us in your hearts, to give when you can but to love us most of all. Your love will transcend distance and time…this baby has no idea how blessed he/she already is. 

We have a room that will be the nursery. Nothing has been done to it yet. They tell you not to decorate completely, or to buy tons of things, again the word waiting takes its place among the process. You may be waiting longer than your heart can handle that empty room. But I’m an artist, a visual being so there are sketches of layouts, of murals, of ideas, of colors, of décor; there are pages bookmarked online, websites scoured, Pinterest pages developed and saved photos on multiple techie equipment. I dream daily of the space we will create for this little one. And for the first time I did buy something for the nursery: two pieces of art from a local artist in Fernandina Beach Florida while on a work trip. I cannot wait to do my own pieces to complement hers and to add to the collection I know we will acquire for our little one. 

So that is where we are. Truly. 

We are waiting, but not with the chagrin that most expect, we are waiting with open hearts and eyes ready to see the gifts before us. God has blessed us in ways we never thought possible and He continues to do so. We are honored to be on this journey. To be waiting. So now when I say it, I will think of the years He has had me waiting, had me preparing, had me enjoying the view, had me imagining the possibilities and in the moments where I want to be sad, I will work to smile, to appreciate and to enjoy the time He is giving us. He knows that everything will be different soon and that we will need these days to reflect and learn to appreciate a new kind of timing….

For still the vision awaits its appointed time; it hastens to the end—it will not lie. If it seems slow, wait for it; it will surely come; it will not delay.

Habakkuk 2:3

Jesus answered him, “What I am doing you do not understand now, but afterward you will understand.”

John 13:17