I awoke with a start this morning. The alarm clock blaring its call of daylight had me swinging my arm into the darkness. I turn to glance at the clock; as usual I am not surprised that the wretched noise is right on schedule, I don't know why I tend to hope the clock somehow got it wrong and I still have hours to sleep. That only happens in dreams. I cannot stop the grunt that escapes my lips.
***
January 3rd my calendar shows me....2011. My eyes want to blink it back to sometime before, anytime before. The new year has come. It is not waiting patiently for midnight to release the chimes, to drop the ball, to welcome the new beginning. No, the day of celebratory drinking, kissing strangers at the stroke of 12, singing loudly amongst people you may never see again, it is now in the past. As are the things I did not do, the time wasted...A chill falls over me as my wet hair clings to my forehead, I must get dressed and go back to work....another thing telling me the new year is here...2011.
***
A fast, fun beat fills my car as I travel the familiar road to work. My voice lifts on a chorus
Hey now, this is my desire,
Consume me like a fire, 'cause I just want something beautiful
To touch me, I know that I'm in reach
'Cause I am down on my knees, I'm waiting for something beautiful...
Oh, oh, oh something beautiful.
I cannot contain the grinning... yes 2011 is here, we are all waiting...hopefully we are all in reach...at that moment I think of the blaring alarm clock, the want to sleep later and the chill of the morning air...how silly I can be..
Yes, 2011, I am always going to think about the speed the previous year traveled, the opportunities squandered by not having enough belief in myself, the people I was unable to see, the traveling I was unable to do...
It is not what we were unable to do that we should waste time on, it is not the sorrow of moments missed... it is the waiting...the expectation... the anticipation of something beautiful in the new year; for it will come, we will discover new things, make new goals, and if I am lucky, I will glare at the alarm clock next year, feel the stinging cold on my cheeks, sing as loud as I can and reminisce with the same smile on my face...
Welcome 2011, you are already something beautiful....
