Courtney S. Barr

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Wednesday, October 21, 2015

Yetis, Rollercoasters, And Birthmothers

Veni. Vidi. Amavi.

We came. We saw. We loved.

I’ve wanted to do an update for about two weeks now…as it all began…my fingers just haven’t been at the keyboard really. Yet today I laughed at a picture from our weekend getaway and it brought me back, back to moments of reflection, gratefulness and humility. 

Have you ever stood in line for a rollercoaster? Waiting in the que as the line winds closer and closer to the moment you will step foot into a vehicle that is going to sling you every which way at high speeds, big climbs and dangerous drops; excitement wars with anxiousness every time I get ready to ride one. I say a simple prayer for safety and then I just let it all go. I trust the mechanics, the operator, the set design, the track, the vehicle and the weather. Every component is just given away, let go of and all I put my energy into is the sheer fun of riding “Everest” to find the Yeti who tore the track in two. I buy into the fun of the story we traveled while standing in a 25 minute line for a 90 second ride. There are truths and lies along the way. Disney is the master at developing a ‘que’ that sucks you in. They spare no inch of your environment in order to tell the story of the attraction you are on. Sometimes there are real animal/climate/travel facts and sprinkled here and there are the ‘embellishments’ to the legend/lore that makes the ride a fairytale flash bomb. It is genius and wonderful. 

We were so beyond blessed to get to get away for the weekend. I’ve been tightly wound for a few weeks now and we had planned this trip really right after Thanksgiving last year. Thankful for travel reward point systems that allow us to do all of this on a fabulous budget while still being able to save for the family we have coming to us.

Lately we’ve been on rollercoasters in the most literal and figurative ways. As we climbed the big hill at Expedition Everest in Disney World last weekend for the second time I couldn’t help but laugh. M sat beside me giddy as a 12 year old and laughing out loud at the sheer fun of flying around that track. I'm so grateful to have the truth of a fabulous partner in life like M. His zest for enjoying every bit of the process is contagious and he is my rock on more than one occasion lately. 

In the past two weeks we have been honored to be able to have our profile available for 3 birthmothers. THREE! Guys, that’s crazy awesome. Please, please keep us in your prayers…just pray hard for the birthmothers and those babies the most, even before us. We know that these women are facing decisions that are the biggest in their lives, we know that God has them and those children in His hands and we know that no matter what…no matter if they choose us, choose to parent or choose another couple the most important thing is that they know they are loved. This is the lesson He has had us learning to discern from the get go. We want children. So badly that I cried watching a line of children sing and dance as they followed Daisy & Donald around the tables of Tusker House in Animal Kingdom – I couldn’t stop the flow, I couldn’t hold it in, and I couldn’t stop smiling at the same time as I stared at M across the table. He grabbed my hand and told me he loved me and ‘our time is coming’.

He is right. I knew it even before he said it, but saying it sometimes is very important; speaking it out loud strikes a chord and had me feeling God’s presence almost immediately. I had prayed a very specific prayer 3 weeks ago and God answered within almost 48 hours that we would be submitting our profile to a birthmother and here we sit…3 birthmothers reviewing our photos, our story. Siting in that restaurant His answer was even more swift and clear. Luke 1:45 reminded me “Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill His promises to her.” He does not post faux facts on the walls of our life. Even when we are confused, even when we cannot understand, His promises are always the better for us.  

We rode Everest back to back that afternoon. We were pretty blessed to only stand in line for 25 minutes (longest line all weekend was right at 28 minutes)to ride one of our favorite 90 second rides. It makes me breathe deeply with anticipation when I think about the amount of time that God has been working on our story while we wait to see where our rollercoaster goes next. His timing is perfect. It seems long and drawn out to us at times, but looking at the thrill of 90 seconds on a manmade rollercoaster gets me giddy with excitement as I think about the thrill He has planned for us for our remaining life here and even more so for our eternal life.

So for our update, it is simply this:

God has a plan. 

We trust Him and we know that His timing is perfect.

Right now, three women will have our profile in their hands over the next week or so, and profiles of many other couples who desire to have children, and they are facing the hardest decision of their lives. That means that 3 children hang in the balance. No matter what they are loved, so much, already by people who don’t even know them and by some who never will. Those birthmothers are cherished, loved, beautifully and wonderfully made – they are also loved by many who will never meet them. 

I’m working on some new art for fundraising and we are looking at grants for fundraising.

We ask for prayers. We know that these 3 may all say no to us. That they may be lead in other directions and that even though we understand that it will be God’s will when we are chosen, we cannot lie and say that it won’t hurt if/when we face rejection. We know we will question why? But please pray that the question lingers less than a second and that God’s peace swiftly replaces the feelings of unworthiness. 

We thank you all for following our journey.  We know that some ask and wonder how it all is going. We don’t always have an answer for you, but this time we wanted to share that God is working in the wings. We have hope for the future and we know He loves us and has great plans for us.  We cannot wait to see all He has in store.

“And so it was, that she, having waited long and endured patiently, realized and obtained what God had promised.” Hebrews 6:15


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