I almost forgot to post this today! Yikes!
Kelly's Compositions is hosting a Blogfest about the very first page of your WIP. What an intriguing idea. I have two WIPs and had to choose...so here goes:
***
Outsiders never understand.
At first glance they see the simple houses, the bustling streets, the neighborly waves and the perfect blue sky. They never look down the alleys or beyond the clapboard homes. They see the young man raking leaves but they don’t see his face. Even when he stops to smile and share a friendly glance they don’t see the truth. The young woman in the diner brings their coffee as they rest from the drive, yet they don’t see her furtive glances and nervous fingers.
People come here, they pass through here, but they never stay. Something makes them keep driving. It’s as though they would like to stay, to experience what looks like the perfect setting for life, yet they can’t. The serenity wavers just as they are deciding.
Maybe it’s the lack of hotels; maybe it’s that we aren’t even close to a large city. Maybe, just maybe, it’s because something in their gut tells them to leave.
That feeling is something we understand all too well.
You should always listen to your instincts.
***
Have a Happy Friday!!!
Very fun, Courtney! The first pages people are posting are great!
ReplyDeleteThis is really intriguing. I hope there is more of it in the future.
ReplyDeleteI'm hooked! I'm dying to know more about their not-so-perfect town! :-)
ReplyDeleteGreat! I definitely want to read more...the sign of a great first page in my opinion.
ReplyDeleteI loved this. I love the shadowy feeling laying just underneath the "perfect" little town.
ReplyDeleteVery nice. First sentence to last this just hums along. And those two sentences are perfect. I want to read more. :)
ReplyDeleteVery nice! More, please!
ReplyDeleteOooh! I am intrigued!!! I definitely want to read more. :)
ReplyDeleteThat's awesome! More!!!
ReplyDeleteWow, what a creepy little town! It really drew me in. Great use of setting and mood. I'd love to read more.
ReplyDeleteYah, totally. Love the creepiness. Very effective twisting of small-town quietness, good lady. Nicely done!
ReplyDeleteCourtney, I love your voice. It sounds very mysterious. Thank you for sharing! :D
ReplyDeleteThis makes me really curious. I want to know about this strange town.
ReplyDeleteGreat job!
So ominous. I'm hooked. really want to know what's going on in that town...
ReplyDeleteI'm totally hooked - want to read more. Great voice and creepy.
ReplyDeleteExcellent set up! I already sense an unease, forboding. You really can't ask for anything more (or at least I can't). Great job!!
ReplyDeleteOoh, why? What's happening in this town? I wanna know!
ReplyDeleteAnd it's something I'll think about when I drive cross-country in a few weeks...
PJ - Thank you so much for stopping by this morning! This blogfest really is so much fun!
ReplyDeleteKayeleen - yay! glad you enjoyed it...I hope there is more in the future too. It is a WIP that is drastically different from my other one so I have to be patient & switch gears appropriately when I need to!
Shannon O' - yes not so perfect is right...glad I hooked you!
Wendy - Thank you so much! i am glad it makes you want to turn the page. I feel the same way about a book -you have to suck me in.
Charity - Thank you for stopping by! mmmm..definitely shadowy-there are layers to this place...that well..a knife may be the way to peel this onion afterall.... ;o)
sarahjayne - Always a pleasure to see you stop by! I am glad you enjoyed it. those two sentences were actually the first two that came to mind & I knew how I wanted 'the meat' in the middle to go from there... ;o)
Betty - thank you! lol
Karen - thanks for stopping by! I am glad you enjoyed it! I hope to share more sometime...
Sarah Ann - Thank you!!!
Portia - Always a pleasure to see you at the Kingdom! Thank you so much for the sweet compliments. ;o)
Simon - Thank you! Creepiness is new for me, so I am glad to be able to try it out here. ;o)
Elizabeth - Thank you! That is such a wonderful compliment to receive! Stop by anytime!
Christine - yay! Always good to make you want to turn the page! ;o)Yours was wonderful as well - I am loving this blogfest!
Tara - Thank you! So glad to have reeled you in!
Mary - A pleasure to have you stop by the Kingdom! Happy to hook you! Thank you for the kind words!
DL - you snuck in here when I was responding to everyone else! lol (don't do that in the town I am talking about...)So glad to have you stop by & thank you so much for the comments! ;o)
ReplyDeleteWhitney - Welcome to the Kingdom! Ahhh... yes, um, beware the serene small town on that drive...you just don't always see past what you want to see when traveling... *winks* ;o) thank you for the comments - glad to have hooked you!
Love it - very intriguing beginning! I'm hooked and I certainly want to read more.
ReplyDeleteHappy Friday!
Wow, this is very Twilight Zone or Stephen King. You definitely have a way with hooking the reader.
ReplyDeleteThis was awesome!! Very intriguing I can't wait to see more in the future... at least I hope I do!
ReplyDeleteMy instincts tell me that this is the start of something excellent.
ReplyDeleteI've been wracking my brain to find any possible flaws, and I only have two (very minor nitpick) suggestions.
Think about cutting the "even when" sentence...just stick with the previous sentence and move on.
The only other thing is the "we" near the end...kind of makes me feel like you're telling me how to feel. But it's a very minor nit.
Great start, best one I've read today. :)
Nice first page. It works well as the hook and draws me in. That town sounds intriguing and I want to learn more.
ReplyDeleteGreat job.
Scary! I'm totally hooked now, Courtney. I've always had a fear of being caught in a creepy town. You know how to write, girl. I loved this.
ReplyDeleteSpooky - I'll nervously fidget and wonder what is going on there ;)
ReplyDeleteOh- I love it. I want to know why they don't stay- what keep driving? Great job. I'm hooked and want to read the next page. Thanks for participating!
ReplyDeleteI read this twice because it was so intriguing. I'm disappointed that I don't get to read more :( You do great work at building suspense! Nice job :)
ReplyDeleteWow, that comment about instincts is a real page turner!
ReplyDeleteExcellent first page my dear.I'm truly impressed, but then that's my girl, and yes it really makes me want to read more. If I read this in a bookstore to see if I wanted to purchase it to read,I would!
ReplyDeleteExcellent first page my dear.I'm truly impressed, but then that's my girl, and yes it really makes me want to read more. If I read this in a bookstore to see if I wanted to purchase it to read,I would!
ReplyDeleteI'm wondering what comes next, and why the people who are there stay there. And what's so bad about perfect? Zombies? Magic? Curse? Could be anything! I'm hooked!
ReplyDeleteYou should always listen to your instincts.
ReplyDeleteGreat line. It's obvious you do, and they are straight-on. I want to read page two.
Come check out my first page if you have the time this weekend. Have only happy surprises, Roland {That'a an order.}
Thank you for the very kind words. If you'd like to see a brief glimpse that the magic that surrounds Samuel McCord, you could visit this post of mine {don't be skiddish of the title which refers to the one great love of Sam's long life.} http://rolandyeomans.blogspot.com/2010/02/what-is-romantic-to-you.html
ReplyDeleteThanks again for visiting the blog detailing my dream of being published. Have only happy surprises this weekend, Rolanf
Oooooh, very cool. Fantastic opening. Makes me want to keep going, for sure!
ReplyDeleteTalli - Thank you so much! Glad that it would entice you to keep reading!
ReplyDeleteTere - wow. That is a wonderful compliment, I greatly appreciate it.Thank you for stopping by.
Jen - thanks! I hope you do too *wink*
Iapetus999 - I don't know what to say.... Thank you so much for the advice (I applied it to my original and it works wonderfully) as for the compliments, I am honored. Thank you so much!
Dawn - thank you!
Roxy - Hey girl! Glad to see you stop by! Thank you so much - I am happy you enjoyed it.
Elaine - a pleasure to see you stop by...now wring those hands and wonder... ;o)
Kelly - Thank you for stopping by & thank you for a wonderful blogfest! It was so fun reading such great openings...there are a number of bloggers I discovered through this & for that I thank you so much!
Tiana - thank you. It is always good to hear that the reader wants to read it more than once!
Catherine - Thanks for stopping by the Kingdom! I am glad you enjoyed it.
dsunshine - thanks mom. ;o) <3 you!
Kris - lol - you and my husband would get along great. He's all: so, so, tell me more (I am letting him discover everything slowly...driving him nuts! lol)
Roland - a pleasure to have you in the Kingdom. I loved your entry. You have a wonderful site. ;o) Thank you for the kind words.
maybegenius - Thanks! So glad to see you stopping by the Kingdom. Happy to have peaked your interest!
Ahh!! How can you leave us hanging like that??? :) I am intrigued, most definitely.
ReplyDeleteachinghope - thanks for stopping by! lol My husband said the same thing when I only let him read the first page for a few days! ;o)
ReplyDeleteHow did I miss this blogfest?? Man! Lvoed this first page. It makes me very curious about this town and this place. But also, it feels very symbolic of something much bigger. What a way to start, Courtney!! Nicely done.
ReplyDeleteCarol - How DID you miss this one?! lol. Well thank you so much for your kind words. It is definitely coming along. I was nervous about this but felt it best to honestly place a true first page. Thanks for the kind words!
ReplyDelete